I am a stay at home mom of 3 small kids (ages 6, 4 and 1). I am on a mission to create a more peaceful mind so I can savor my kids' childhood. I have a history of mild but persistent anxiety and depression and what I think is a ridiculously busy mind. I am using meditation, mindfulness and Buddhist philosophy to find space between my thoughts and to quiet my inner critic so I can be present and available for my kids, husband and the rest of the people in my life.
I started meditating and regularly listening to mindfulness and insight meditation podcasts when I was eight months pregnant with my second child, when I felt like it was my only option. I was trying to get my older daughter, who was 2 at the time, to brush her teeth and failing big time. I couldn't get her to open her mouth for the life of me and more importantly I couldn't help but be overcome by rage. I threw her toothbrush into the sink and slammed my fist on the counter. I realized that night after I calmed down that this wasn't how I wanted to feel or be with my kids.
I had previously been introduced to meditation and had tried it a few times and had found some moments of calm between my emotional storms and knew I had to give it another try. I found a mindfulness class given that next weekend a local nature preserve. After the class I decided to start attending weekly classes at a meditation center nearby and have been going on and off since then. One baby, the pandemic, then another baby later and through consistently throwing the concepts I've been learning around my head, I am beginning to find a more peaceful mind. Not every minute, not every day, but most of the time I feel pretty good. And I'm connecting better with my family. I've been recognizing my inner critic and turning down its volume, giving less emotional weight to my thoughts, and focusing more mental attention on the things I want more of in my life and less attention on the things I want to let go. Some days still suck. And I still sometimes lose my cool with my kids but I'm finding more stillness and steadiness and enjoying these quickly passing childhood years.
I hope anyone who reads this can get something helpful from these pages. Whenever I can, I'll put links to the resources that I've learned from. Wishing you the best of luck in your own journey!